Birthday post

Above: Jumping on a frozen lake in northern Ontario this past winter. Photo by my sister.

(UPDATE March 30, 9:22 am: Thanks to those who have posted birthday greetings here, Facebook, e-mail, phone and in my Livejournal comments. Jeff took me to Mildred's Temple Kitchen and I loved it. You can see photos of some of the lovely gifts I received from friends in my Flickrstream. Including a gift from Walter that made me cry.)

If I could go back to my 20-year-old self and asked myself what image came immediately to mind upon hearing the phrase "47-year-old woman," I like would have responded with a heartlessly unflattering description involving polyester pants, wrinkles and hair curlers.

Now that I'm 47, I have to be amused at how wrong I was. Well, at least about the polyester and curlers.





I find that the older I get, the further way the concept of "old age" shifts for me. I suppose I've always associated "old age" with a certain atrophying mindset, when a person convinces themselves that they're no longer capable of taking on challenges and seeking out new experiences. In that context, I never want to reach old age.



In terms of simple numbers, however, I sometimes get tired of the tiptoeing done around the idea of getting older, as if it's something one is supposed to be embarrassed about, like using the wrong fork at the dinner table or accidentally wearing a t-shirt inside out in public (not that I'm, ahem, guilty of either).



I do admit that I usually don't broadcast my age on social networking sites, partly because I'm worried about identity theft but also because part of me is (probably overly) worried that editors might be negatively influenced while considering my manuscripts.



But overall, I don't tend to be overly self-conscious about how old I am. I'm happier now than I was 20 years ago. Physically, I may not be able to do everything I could back then but I was never a super-jock anyway, and I find other ways to push and challenge myself.



Back in school, I thought I had all the time in the world. Now, I know how easy it is to try to do too much and spend time with too many people. One of my favourite quotes, from Esther Bucholz: "Others inspire us, information feeds us, practice improves our performance, but we need quiet time to figure things out, to emerge with new discoveries, to unearth original answers."



These days, I guard my time jealously. I'm more selective about the friends I spend time with. I don't invest time in friendships in which the other person doesn't value the friendship as much as I do.

Jeff and I gave up cable tv about five years ago, and neither of us have regretted it. We still watch some recorded tv shows and rent movies, but it's always a deliberate choice rather than "just because there's nothing better to do." Instead, I do more reading, songwriting, painting and other creative activities.



Photo by Gord Gibson.

I'm happier in my relationship with Jeff than I was 20 years ago. We've been through the hearts and flowers "honeymoon" stage early on and several rough bits since. The rough bits, as horrible as they seemed when we were going through them, have helped strengthen our relationship.

The honeymoon stage was like an appetizer. Yummy while it lasted but for me, it's all about the main course. :-)



I'm more in love with Jeff than I've ever been. We'll have been married 18 years come this August, yet I still find myself swooning a bit inside when he walks into the room or smiles at me.


Photos by our niece last year.

We recently chatted with a couple who has been married nearly twice as long as we have, and I asked them what was the main factor that helped make their marriage a good one. They told me that they had learned NOT to try to change the other person.



In our case, I'd like the add the following advice: Treat your partner like your best friend. Sounds obvious, I know, but I've really had to remind myself of this over the years. "Would I be treating my best friend like this?"

I've also found that spending time pursuing our own interests away from each other is important. Jeff and I spend much of our time together, but we've each found it just as important to also have our own time as well. We've never been one of those "joined at the hip" couples who do absolutely everything together.


Photo by Sibylle Machat.

Today, however, we're spending the whole day together. Jeff's taking me out for brunch. He won't tell me where because he wants it to be a surprise. This afternoon: whatever I'd like to do. I haven't decided if I'd rather see The Watchmen or just hang out at home, reading and snoozing and maybe playing a boardgame. I'm going to my sister's tonight for a family celebration.


Photo by Beckett Gladney.

I already feel pretty spoiled. My friend Luisa took me out for my birthday on Friday night, and my friend Cathy took me out for lunch yesterday. I've been receiving phone messages and e-mails from friends -- one of my favourites is the musical message left by Tom & Sue Jeffers & Dave Clement. :-D

I'm going to spend the rest of my birthday offline, to enjoy the day with Jeff. Hope you're all having a good day, everyone! Especially my friend Katy, who is celebrating her birthday in Germany today.