Sunday
Mar292009
Birthday post
Sunday, March 29, 2009 at 8:33AM 
Above: Jumping on a frozen lake in northern Ontario this past winter. Photo by my sister.
(UPDATE March 30, 9:22 am: Thanks to those who have posted birthday greetings here, Facebook, e-mail, phone and in my Livejournal comments. Jeff took me to Mildred's Temple Kitchen and I loved it. You can see photos of some of the lovely gifts I received from friends in my Flickrstream. Including a gift from Walter that made me cry.)
If I could go back to my 20-year-old self and asked myself what image came immediately to mind upon hearing the phrase "47-year-old woman," I like would have responded with a heartlessly unflattering description involving polyester pants, wrinkles and hair curlers.
Now that I'm 47, I have to be amused at how wrong I was. Well, at least about the polyester and curlers.
I find that the older I get, the further way the concept of "old age" shifts for me. I suppose I've always associated "old age" with a certain atrophying mindset, when a person convinces themselves that they're no longer capable of taking on challenges and seeking out new experiences. In that context, I never want to reach old age.
In terms of simple numbers, however, I sometimes get tired of the tiptoeing done around the idea of getting older, as if it's something one is supposed to be embarrassed about, like using the wrong fork at the dinner table or accidentally wearing a t-shirt inside out in public (not that I'm, ahem, guilty of either).
I do admit that I usually don't broadcast my age on social networking sites, partly because I'm worried about identity theft but also because part of me is (probably overly) worried that editors might be negatively influenced while considering my manuscripts.
But overall, I don't tend to be overly self-conscious about how old I am. I'm happier now than I was 20 years ago. Physically, I may not be able to do everything I could back then but I was never a super-jock anyway, and I find other ways to push and challenge myself.
Back in school, I thought I had all the time in the world. Now, I know how easy it is to try to do too much and spend time with too many people. One of my favourite quotes, from Esther Bucholz: "Others inspire us, information feeds us, practice improves our performance, but we need quiet time to figure things out, to emerge with new discoveries, to unearth original answers."
These days, I guard my time jealously. I'm more selective about the friends I spend time with. I don't invest time in friendships in which the other person doesn't value the friendship as much as I do.
Jeff and I gave up cable tv about five years ago, and neither of us have regretted it. We still watch some recorded tv shows and rent movies, but it's always a deliberate choice rather than "just because there's nothing better to do." Instead, I do more reading, songwriting, painting and other creative activities.
Photo by Gord Gibson.
I'm happier in my relationship with Jeff than I was 20 years ago. We've been through the hearts and flowers "honeymoon" stage early on and several rough bits since. The rough bits, as horrible as they seemed when we were going through them, have helped strengthen our relationship.
The honeymoon stage was like an appetizer. Yummy while it lasted but for me, it's all about the main course. :-)
I'm more in love with Jeff than I've ever been. We'll have been married 18 years come this August, yet I still find myself swooning a bit inside when he walks into the room or smiles at me.
Photos by our niece last year.
We recently chatted with a couple who has been married nearly twice as long as we have, and I asked them what was the main factor that helped make their marriage a good one. They told me that they had learned NOT to try to change the other person.
In our case, I'd like the add the following advice: Treat your partner like your best friend. Sounds obvious, I know, but I've really had to remind myself of this over the years. "Would I be treating my best friend like this?"
I've also found that spending time pursuing our own interests away from each other is important. Jeff and I spend much of our time together, but we've each found it just as important to also have our own time as well. We've never been one of those "joined at the hip" couples who do absolutely everything together.
Photo by Sibylle Machat.
Today, however, we're spending the whole day together. Jeff's taking me out for brunch. He won't tell me where because he wants it to be a surprise. This afternoon: whatever I'd like to do. I haven't decided if I'd rather see The Watchmen or just hang out at home, reading and snoozing and maybe playing a boardgame. I'm going to my sister's tonight for a family celebration.
Photo by Beckett Gladney.
I already feel pretty spoiled. My friend Luisa took me out for my birthday on Friday night, and my friend Cathy took me out for lunch yesterday. I've been receiving phone messages and e-mails from friends -- one of my favourites is the musical message left by Tom & Sue Jeffers & Dave Clement. :-D
I'm going to spend the rest of my birthday offline, to enjoy the day with Jeff. Hope you're all having a good day, everyone! Especially my friend Katy, who is celebrating her birthday in Germany today.
tagged Friends & Family, birthday
Friends & Family, birthday
Reader Comments (22)
Happy Birthday!
Your blatherings, your music, and your art brighten my life.
Thank you, Alan!
What a wonderful blathering. Happy Birthday Debbie!!
When I turned 40 I asked my father (who you know) what grade I was in when he turned 40? The answer was grade six. I remember in grade six thinking he was old. Time sure changes our persepective on things! When you're young 40+ seems so old.. and then you arrive and you hope to hell you have at least 40 more years to go.
enjoy your day!!
Happy birthday! May it be filled with giant black zeppelins of doom who drop water balloons on everyone in your neighbourhood except you, while you stand atop the tallest tree holding a supersoaker and laughing maniacally, and then santa claus pops up out of the sewers and gives everyone cupcakes! And a bouncy castle! I couldn't find a greeting card that said that, I'm so sad.
Lee: Yes, I definitely remember how ANCIENT 40 years old sounded when I was in grade six. :-D Thanks for the good wishes.
Brooke: I adore you. :-D :-D
Happy birthday! Same day as my "little" sister who turns 30 today! Crikey, I remember when she was born!
As for your age, FWIW I had you pegged as a lot younger than 47 so keep doing what you're doing! :-)
Happy birthday to your younger sister, and thanks for the birthday greetings (and the compliment). :-D
Happy happy birthday, birthday sister :)
I don't think I have recently mentioned how much I enjoy your posts. This one made me all misty eyed.
I very much agree with the "not wanting to change the partner" thing, and I have to work more on the "would I treat my best friend like that" question at times. More patience would do me good :)
I hope your day was absolutely splendid, dear Debbie. Mine was very good, with a few local friends coming over for brunch and coffee and cake, and now Steve and I will sit on the couch, play with our Wii, eat leftovers and watch a movie :) Happy domestic bliss :)
*hugs*
Hoopy Birthday Deb!
Age is just a medical condition we learn to live with. Inside we're no different from when we're 20 to when we're 120.
Thanks for the hoopy wishes, Reid. :-D And I totally agree about the medical condition. *hugs*
Happy birthday Debbie! Or as one of my online friends likes to say, "Hoppy Biffdog!" :-)
Thank you, Katy! I think we all have to work on the "would I treat my best friend like that" sometimes. I'm glad you had a wonderful day, dear Birthday Sister. :-) *hugs* back...
Jim: Heh, thank you! I like that..."hoppy biffdog!"
Hi Debs-47! I don't think you look a day older than when I first met you :)
Have fun
Aw, Godfrey...thank you. :-)
A little late - - - sorry!!! - - -
Happy Birthday! Herzlichen Glückwunsch zum Geburtstag!
The three of us are SO much looking forward to seeing you this weekend! It's Talea's 1/4-birthday today, by the way :-)!
Happy 1/4 birthday to Talea, Eva! :-D
I'm so excited about seeing you later this week, woohoo!!!!
Happy day after your birthday Debbie!
Thanks, Alison!
Oh good Grief! I missed it. I am so ashamed!!! A belated happy birthday to you all the same. You have to understand that since us Arizonans don't have Daylight Savings we lose track of the rest of the world.
Okay that wasn't a great excuse but it's all I got.
Take care!!
Thanks so much for the birthday greetings! And please don't worry about not posting earlier. :-)
[...] Thanks so much for all your responses to my Birthday Post. [...]