Goodstuff revisited

Above: I'm trying to get back into my habit of doing a Daily Doodle just for fun.

A while back, I posted about how I tend to be drawn to positive people. Thanks for all the feedback to this post! Here are a few of the comments (and a brief note about why I try to avoid public whining):

From vixy:

I’m the same way, and I try to do some of the same things. It’s not unrealistic at all.

I try to ask myself… it’s usually in my head so it’s not always actually in words, but basically… “What are you adding to the world?” Or, “What are you putting out into the world right now?”

That question has stopped me from a few bad decisions, for instance something I was going to say that I would have regretted later, either because it would hurt someone, or simply because it would wind up bringing me (and those around me) down even more, or because it would have made me look like a bitter, negative person in public. Is what I’m about to do or say adding anything to the world at all other than negativity? Has it got any purpose? Why am I doing this? What am I adding to the world?

Of course, sometimes you just have to vent. But I try to recognize when I’m venting because I need to vs. being needlessly snarky and dwelling on things that I need to just let go.

From Linda Neely:

I spent 37 years working in Human Resources and I got lots of complaining people. I’d been in HR for about 2 years when I got assigned to handle Employee Relations. I saw the same people over and over and finally decided I’d have to do something about it so I startled one of my regular complainers by telling her that she would have to tell me three good things that had happened to her that day before I’d listen to a complaint. I did this for a week with all the people who just came in to gripe. (I didn’t do this for people with legitimate complaints.) Anyway, the interesting thing to me is that after about a week the same people kept coming in but they’d come and say, let me tell you what happened and they’d tell me good things. Eventually I realized that what they mostly wanted was for someone to listen to them. They would talk as eagerly about good things as bad. It’s just that most of them had found that other people were more likely to pay attention when they talked about bad things.

There’s no profound moral to this tale, but what I learned is that my behavior has a lot to do with what other people give me. If the only time I pay attention is when something is wrong. . .

From Jane Garthson:

You are such a positive person, and such a joy to be around, that I can’t remember you saying anything negative. And while some store clerks would be rude to anyone, anytime, surely you bring out the good side in most people you meet. Or the evil side, with filkers, but that is quite different from negative.

I would give anything to have your smile. Sometimes, when I am smiling inside, my facial muscles do not cooperate and I do not look as happy as I feel.

From Michelle Sagara:

They tend to be positive, benevolent personalities

I vote that you grandfather some of us in!

From Andrea:

There have been times, with both Jim and I, that we purposely tell the other person “I am going to vent” and then righteously vent, just to get rid of the energy.

And I’ve done the same, in email to friends (announcing the vent-to-happen first of course). It feels good to get rid of it and then move on *grin.*

I also enjoy friends who have a sense of humor that helps me see what’s ridiculous about a situation. Like when my ex husband wanted to sign our divorce papers on Valentine’s day. I told a good friend that in a rather disgusted tone, and she burst out laughing, because well it *was* funny *chuckle.” (and no, we didn’t sign the papers that day . ..)

From David "Born In The Summer, So I'm A Natural Optimist, Scientifically Proven" Barker:

Nothing “unrealistically idealistic” about your attitude. I do the same kind of personal monitoring about negatives. Doesn’t always work, but nuthin’s perfect.

(I will, but not often, call chronic complainers on it. As hazardous as that may sound, it’s not always the wrong thing to do.)

From Judifilksign:

Your view strikes a chord with me - I, too try to stay positive. I have times when I allow myself a good rant or a wallow, but once it's out, I'm back to my normal perky self.

From maedbh7:

I could write a thesis in response to this. Perhaps in my own LJ, I will :) -H...

I also recently rented a movie -or maybe it was a recorded tv show, I can't recall- in which someone said she tries never to say anything to anyone that wouldn't hold up as the last thing she said (e.g. if she never saw that person again, or if something happened to her). Something to strive for, I think.

It's part of the reason I try hard not to post negative blog entries unless I intend there to be something good to come out of it. I'm aware, especially from life experience and experiences of people I know, that life can end quickly and unexpectedly for anyone at anytime...one of the reasons I do try to squeeze every bit out of every moment.

And suppose I posted a whiny blog entry, then something happened to prevent me from posting again. Do I really want THAT entry to be the last one I ever post? The one that stays online for people to remember me by? As Vixy said above, what will I be adding to the world?

It's impossible to stay positive all the time, of course, and everyone needs to wallow and bitch once in a while. But as Judi says above, just get it out of your system and then come back. :-)

Comments

[Juliana]

Spending time around negativity makes me want to run back to my room and hide under the bed. I'd much rather skip that part of the day.

If that lovely doodle is even possibly for sale -- DIBS I yell quietly!!!

[Christo]

I have to fight an inherent negativity a lot of the time. It's an inherited trait I get from my late mother who was prone to negative thinging thru her life, especially toward the end of her life.
It;s an odd kind of negativity subtly snuck beneath a pleasant sociable guise so that one doesn;t notice it too much until either I notice or have it pointed out to me that tho I had been outwardly conversational, all of the annecdotes have a kind of negative spin. Luckily I get reminders from friendly quarters and am more alert to this now myself. There is also a kind of "healthy" British cynicism that hides the unfortunate trait. In the UK one is much more the social norm upon seeing something happening to say "What'is this crap theh?", rather than "Oooh look, this could be good!" which is seen as being embarrasingly naff. :-)
I find positivity has been a great power in my life - sometimes when low I give myself upbeat peptalks in the morning outloud, stressing what's going to be good about the day - huge difference in energy levels and stuff. Then I forget after a few weeks and sometimes need to be reminded again. :-)

One funny memory I have with mom was in the last few years of her life negativity had become a bit overwhelming - I had a looong chat with her about it and she took it on board. That day I was going to take her out to lunch. On the way there she was thinking hard and, genuiniely trying to be what she thought was positive, said,
"I'm going to enjoy this, even if it's horrible!"
sigh...

[patricia]

Debbie, you are without a doubt, one of the most positive people I know. I am often amazed at how many wonderful, talented, fascinating friends you have in your life. But of course, it has everything to do with you, and your amazing attitude towards life. I could learn a lot from you, that's for sure (I do tend to kvetch too much, I think). But yes, I find that as I get older, I do a sort of mental tally of the people that I have chosen to surround me, and I have definitely noticed that over the years, I have gradually shaken off the negative, toxic people in my life. As we get older, we seem take more notice of the quality of foods we put in our bodies, and in that same vein, we should strive towards positive relationships, in order to sustain a healthy soul.