"I didn't have time..."

I took the today's photos while Jeff and I were out on a walk yesterday. I'd love to know the story behind the single silver shoe we saw in the snow by the sidewalk on one street corner. And Jeff made me take the second photo because a couple of our friends worked on VideoWave a while back.

Busy weekend. I spent most of it figuring out Movable Type 4, which is surprisingly different from Movable Type 3; I'm going to be moving my Blatherings to a different server soon.

The current Blathering design (what you're looking at today) is pure hand-coded HTML, but I figure that it's about time I switch to using CSS.

I've been gradually teaching myself CSS, but my main challenge is finding time. There are so many things I want to learn and do outside of my regular work hours, and only so much time to do it. Lately I've been devoting more time to practice and songwriting for Urban Tapestry, for example.

As I get older, time has become more and more precious to me. No, I'm not talking "I'm going to die soon" (I've already mentioned that I plan to live until I'm 102, after all) but rather that I've become more aware of time.

Even in how the word is used in language. Whenever I say "I didn't have time for that," for instance, the truth is that I'm actually saying "I didn't make time for that." Of course I had time; I just chose to do something else instead.

The subtext: "I didn't have time to do X but I had time to watch my favourite show YY on television instead, or time to catch up on my LJ friends' list instead etc."

But of course saying this OUT LOUD carries negative connotations, so most people (including me) opt for the safe "I didn't have time, sorry."



There's nothing wrong in choosing fun over not-fun, of course. What's important, I've learned, is being honest with yourself about HOW you're choosing to use your time. I'd go nuts and turn into a rampaging bitchy trollqueen if I always opted for work over fun, so I'll purposely choose to spend time engaged in totally frivolous activities that don't earn me money but are good for my soul.

The difference is the awareness of choice. I'm going to enjoy an hour with a good book or taking a nap far more if I'm doing it purposefully than if I'm guiltily sneaking in the reading/snooze time when I think I should be doing something else.

Or if I'm just letting life happen to me rather than taking control of it. Like suddenly noticing it's the end of the day and that I let all those hours slip away without realizing it -- hours I will never EVER get back-- and getting no enjoyment or satisfaction out of any of them.

Speaking of time, I can't wait for spring. This is the time of year when I'm tired of embracing the beauty of new-fallen snow and the joys of winter, and am yearning for sunshine and being able to run on the sidewalks again without worrying about falling flat on my face.

And seeing our garden again! I want to plant more thyme. One of my garden dreams is to eventually have a big plot of different types of thyme...at least then I'll feel as if I have thyme to do everything I want to do, even at the cost of a bad pun.

:-)



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The Secret Club

Today is my brother's birthday. In my mind's eye, I can only imagine him as he was at the time of the accident nearly fifteen years ago...he'll always be 27 years old to me.

Greg McMullan's death reminded me all over again about how unexpected life can be, and how you should never take time for granted.

Everyone handles death differently, and I would never say "I know how you feel" to someone who has lost a close loved one. But I do think that there's a certain awareness one gains in the experience that can't be learned second-hand or through books.

It's like a secret club -- one that no one wants to join but most do, eventually. And when a new member appears, you feel like hugging them and whispering in their ear, "I'm sorry you had to join the club."

Everyone takes away something different from the experience. Some take away lifelong bitterness. I purposely chose to take away something more positive; it helped me deal with my grief and to add meaning to what had happened.

I keep harping on what I learned throughout my Blatherings to the point of cliché because they're not a cliché to me and in my opinion, this particular knowledge CAN be learned by non-Club types:


And these are:

1. Embrace life fully.

2. Take control of what happens in your life; be an active participant, not a passive observer. If you're unhappy, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

3. Never take anything or anyone for granted.

4. Don't get in a rut. Purposely seek out new experiences. It's good to step outside your little comfort zone bubble every once in a while.


I didn't really take these to heart until I joined The Secret Club when my mom died of cancer, and then even more so when Jim and Diane died. My life has been much enriched as a result. Thing is, you -don't- have to be in the Club to figure any of this out.

So here's a survey for anyone else out there in The Club (or even those who aren't): What nuggets of life wisdom would you add to this list? Serious AND silly nuggets welcome. :-)

Thanks to those who posted birthday greetings for Jeff yesterday! He enjoyed reading all of them and (*gasp) even posted a comment himself.

Thanks also to Sibylle for her recent package, which made me laugh out loud when I opened it:



Yes, it's an EVIL SQUIRREL CANDLE! She and Steve Macdonald found it while browsing the Christmas market in Hamburg. "We thought it'd be great for burning in effigy..." :-D

And CONGRATS to my friend Rand Bellavia -- he and Adam English have been invited as the International Guests of Honour at Axxidental, the UK filk convention next year! Richard "Hitch" Wheatley will be the UK Guest of Honour.



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