inkspot memories

Last week, I finally sorted through the last boxes of old Inkspot papers which had been taking up room in the corner of Jeff's office. Weird to think that Inkspot's been gone for over two years now; Xlibris shut it down on Feb. 14th, 2001. Not my favourite Valentine's Day.

There was a flurry of speculation and comments, both public and private, soon after and in the years following. Most expressed regret. Some gloated, saying I had received my just reward for "selling out". I figure it's about time to clear up a few misunderstandings about what happened.

I did not sell Inkspot to get rich.

My main motivation for selling Inkspot was because it had grown to the point where I could no longer manage it on my own. I was stretched too thin; I needed help. I also knew that Inkspot could be so much more, given added investment. I spent a long time checking out various companies who approached me about buying Inkspot.

I did not get rich from selling Inkspot.

I got some cash (and as part of the deal, arranged for the same amount of cash to be distributed among Inkspot contract help and volunteers) and some equity.

But more importantly...

I didn't just "walk away" from Inkspot.

Inkspot was so much more than just a business commodity to me. I had started Inkspot from scratch as a one page list of links for children's writers, nurtured it over the years, taken great pride and pleasure in seeing it flourish and bring value to the writing community. I know this can't compare to the experience of actually having children, but since Jeff and I don't plan to have any of our own, it's the closest I'll ever come. :-)

Things started to go wrong very soon after I sold Inkspot to Xlibris. I would have resigned if it hadn't been for Inkspot; I couldn't bear the thought of leaving Inkspot unprotected after spending so many years closely involved with its growth, nor did I want to abandon my columnists and others who had helped. Besides, I naively figured that if I worked very hard and tried to be a Good Team Player, things would work out in the end.

Right.

When I finally did resign, it was because I realized I had no other option. Partly because of the bursting of the dot-com bubble but also because the company had grown too quickly too fast, things got even worse, and I found myself stretched even thinner than before I sold Inkspot.

Until I left, I fought as hard as I could for Inkspot, tried to insulate the Inkspot community from the chaos as much as I could. I used to be the type of person who dreaded confrontation and who would do almost anything to avoid it. That changed once I realized that it was up to me to fight for what had been originally promised for Inkspot, to keep those promises from being conveniently forgotten.

But where I was originally only dealing with one person (the CEO of a relatively small company) during deal negotiations, I found myself now having to deal with the politics and power struggles of a multilayered corporate hierarchy in much larger company:

Conversation with my supervisor about a month and a half before I resigned:

ME: "I saw your e-mail outlining the project schedule. You KNOW that it's impossible for my team to meet that deadline."

SUPERVISOR: "Yes, I do."

ME (flabbergasted): "Then why put it in the schedule?"

SUPERVISOR (shrugging): "Sorry, my hands are tied here. The order came from above."

What finally made me resign was the realization that nothing I could do would make a difference. I felt like I was beating my head against a brick wall. Even so, leaving Inkspot was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do in my life.

After Inkspot's shutdown, my mailbox was flooded with supportive e-mails. They helped a great deal; leaving Inkspot was like leaving a part of me behind, and it took many months for me to shake off the grief, the feeling of loss. I still miss Inkspot.

But every now and again, I get e-mails like the following:

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"Feb. 12, 2003

Dear Debbie,

Here is another one of those thanks for Inkspot/Inklings - pre-Xlibris - I loved going to your site and getting your newsletter. I am one of those wannabe authors. My profession is in Computers but I love books and writing. Your newsletter and website always inspired me to write. I loved mostly your market reports. and I must say they really worked for me.† It got me my first online published article - (my first writing paycheck) and several other published articles. I just loved to page through the markets till I found one perfect for me and there was always something interesting.

I was very saddened to hear of the demise of Inkspot and I still miss the newsletter it always started my creative 'juices' flowing... I subscribe to several newsletters and sites - and some are close but yours was the best.

I was very happy to find your new site - and all the links it contains. Best wishes for all your future endeavors and thanks for all the advice, inspiration and encouragement.

Matt S."

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And whenever I receive a letter like this, the Bad Stuff fades a bit more, and I'm reminded again of why I started Inkspot in the first place.

Feb/2003 comments: Read | Post | LJ