happy 4th!

Happy 4th of July to you Americans out there! And happy birthday to Paul Kwinn!

Jodi, Allison and I got a letter from the Canadian Cancer Society yesterday, thanking us for our support of the Relay For Life event. Apparently the two Toronto events raised over $325,000, which is pretty cool. More than 33,000 people participated in Relay For Life events across Canada in June, raising almost $8 million. Proceeds will be used to fund research on all types of cancer as well as help support people living with cancer and their family and friends.

Way too humid in Toronto to do much outdoor running these days, so I ran on the treadmill at my health club yesterday instead. Treadmill running is not nearly as fun as outdoor running, but I did find out that I can run for 40 minutes without stopping at about a 13 minute mile pace (which, for the information of all you non-runners out there, is pretty darned slow compared to experienced runners). Good workout for me, though.

I took Jeff's iPod to the gym with me yesterday and listened to some Neil Young. I hated Neil Young when I first heard him (way too whiney) but his voice has grown on me, creeping up on me from behind like a mugger hiding in an alleyway. I find his off-key nasal meanderings comforting somehow.

I'm hoping it rains later today so I can go running outside.





I can't believe it's July already. The spring whizzed right past with barely time for a jump in the lake at ice-out. It astounds and horrifies me how quickly time can slip away. I've been more conscious of how I spend my time since members of my family have been snatched away without little or no warning in the past, but I'm also still aware of how easy it is to whittle away the hours of day doing non-essential nitpicky things rather than focussing on what's really important.

One of the main things I've learned is the necessity of prioritizing. And acknowledging that fact that I can't do everything that I want to do, that it's better to give up some things in order to better be able to enjoy others. It's tough sometimes, though.

One exercise I've found highly illuminating was to keep a time log of how I spend a typical day. Not just recording major tasks completed, but recording absolutely every activity I did during a day, and how long it takes. I was amazed at how much time I was wasting, procrastinating, frittering away on things that distracted me from the real task(s) at hand. Or making relatively simple tasks much more difficult and involved than they had a right to be, so that by the end of a day it was far too easy to say, "I didn't get X done because geez, I was so busy!"

I've found that talking to parents who work at home about this sort of thing inspirational, a virtual slap in the head or wake-up call. I feel stupid whining about how little time I have when people like my sister are finding ways to carve out highly efficient work time despite the hectic schedule-juggling necessary while raising kids.

In fact, I had similar conversations with both my sister, a children's book illustrator, and Maya Bohnhoff, who is a professional sf/fantasy writer as well as a mother of two (soon three!!). They both said that they don't have the luxury of easing into workmode or getting inspired...when they find/make available time during the day or night, they're able to transition into super-productive mode right away, to make the most of every minute. My friend Michelle does most of her writing after the kids have gone to bed after an already full day. I don't know how she does it; my brain generally turns to mush after 10 pm. I suspect that they can each get more accomplished in a single hour than many could get done in a day.

Maybe it's a special gene that only parents, especially mothers, have? Whatever the case, I wish I had it. And no, Luisa, I'm not willing to have children so I can get it. :-)

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Today's Blatherpics:

	Sara at the cottage in her watergun battle gear.
	Jodi and Allison at the Relay For Life event last month.
	Reid at the cottage on the weekend.

relay for life

Jeff and I went to see Sum Of All Fears last night at the Paramount, and both liked it more than we expected despite Ben Affleck not being as good a Jack Ryan as Harrison Ford.

I'm pleased to report that the bureaucratic loose ends in my life are gradually being tied up. I have a meeting this morning with my accountant to sign some papers re: my numbered account filing, papers that another lawyer had erroneously told me didn't need to be filed. I also recently received an apology letter from the Tax Services Department admitting that they were wrong about my owing them a late GST election filing penalty fee. Apparently they had marked down a U.S. cheque as being in Canadian funds even though they cashed it as U.S. They apologized for the inconvenience. It would have been nice if they had offered to pay my tax lawyer's fees to straighten out the mess, too.

None of the above were part of my audit, by the way; that remains a separate thorn in my side. I'm still waiting to hear more about that. Apparently they're focussing on the sale of Inkspot right now. I just want it to be finally over with.





Allison, Jodi and I are performing at Relay For Life tonight! Yesterday the entertainment coordinator e-mailed to ask for some bio info as well as whether any of us had been affected by cancer in our lives.

The latter question made me realize how much we had been affected. I've lost three family members to cancer (my mother, aunt, and grandmother...all non-smokers). Jodi's father was diagnosed with cancer 20 years ago but survived, and her aunt is being treated for cancer. My friend Christine Miller recently was declared cancer-free after a bout of treatments; she and Andy Beaton are throwing a party next weekend in celebration. Jodi, Allison and I all know friends who are being or have been affected by cancer or the threat of cancer.

Because of the prevalence of cancer in our family, Ruth and I both know we're at a somewhat higher risk that others. Other than going to physicals and trying to stay healthy, I don't fret about it too much; what's the point? But I did ask my doctor what I could do to reduce the risk. Since I'm already a non-smoker, she said the best thing I could do was to avoid contact with second-hand smoke. Easier said than done, though, what with corporate types doing their panic-puff breaks outside buildings during office hours in our neighbourhood.

I hate cancer with a passion I can't begin to describe. I've seen what it can do to people, both the victims and the ones left behind.

Which is why I'm particularly happy to be involved in helping out with the Relay For Life. Somehow, I think my mom would have been pleased, too.





Looks like Luisa and Reid and Ronnie might be at the event tonight! Yay, that means at least some people will actually be listening to us! Allison, Jodi and I expect that most people will be milling around, talking, watching the relay itself, but we're also hoping that some will be intrigued enough by our somewhat off-the-beaten-track (i.e. geeky) repertoire to listen. :-)

Here's our final playlist (which may be tweaked depending on how the timing goes):

Cuz He's A Guy - with some new guy lines
This Island Earth - Nylons song
Alien Jellyfish - song by Chris Conway
Marvin - ode to Marvin the Martian
Library Boy - was a birthday present for Rand
I'm A Believer - Monkees!
Friendship Song
Technonerdboy
Another Story
70s Song
I Want To Believe
Neurotic Love Song - I make a fool of myself
Twinkle In His Eye
Viewmaster - by Rand Bellavia and Adam English
Hockey Monkey Song - by James Kochalka


Here's the full schedule that I received in e-mail yesterday:

CANADIAN CANCER SOCIETY RELAY FOR LIFE 2002
TORONTO REGION
BIRCHMOUNT STADIUM, SCARBOROUGH (JUNE 7ñ8, 2002)

ON STAGE ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM

Friday, June 7

5:30ñ6:30 p.m.	14 Carrots Sold Band
6:45 p.m.	Warm Up Exercise
7:00 p.m.	Opening Ceremony Note of Welcome Ms. Ayesha Khan & Ms. Laurie Dubrovac Event Co-chairs, Relay For Life 2002, Toronto Region National Anthem Introduce and Thank Sponsors and VIPS Mr. Bill Barley President, Canadian Cancer Society Toronto Region Remarks by: The Bay, Scotiabank Group, Rogers Television, Toronto Community News "Say A Prayer Against Cancer" Performed by Ms. Salome Bey Note of Thanks Ms. Sylvia Leonard Associate Director, Regional Operations Canadian Cancer Society Ontario Division
7:30 p.m.	Cancer Survivorís Victory Lap Remarks by Honourable Dan Newman, MPP "Survival" by the Moody Blues, played by14 Carrots Sold Reading of Survivorsí names by Mr. Ken Kostic
7:40-8:15 p.m.	Lucky Fool Band
8:20-8:40 p.m.	HIP HOP Dance Group
8:45-9:30 p.m.	Urban Tapestry Band
9:30-10:00 p.m.	Songs by Ms. Salome Bey
10:00 p.m.	Luminary Ceremony Remarks By Mr. Bobby Baun, NHL Alumni "Amazing Grace" The Red Hackle Pipes and Drums "Stone By Stone" By Mr. Harry Lewis
10:30 p.m.-11:00 p.m.	Beautiful 2000 Band
11:00 p.m.	Music & Karaoke with DJ

I'm taking a bus to Port Elgin tomorrow morning to hang out with Craig and other friends for the weekend; Jeff is driving up with Parki tonight.

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Today's Blatherpics:

	My niece Annie.
	I saw this in a pet store recently and thought it way too bizarre. Are ferrets really that common a pet?!
	I mentioned in a recent Blathering that I tried glassblowing at Marcon. Steve Scherer showed me how to create a little glass mouse. You can see his mouse at the top of this photo, and my mouse on the bottom. Mine looks a bit bloated and beaten, but I adore him just the same. His name is Tobermory.

the dance

Today is Bryan Fullerton's birthday! Bryan is the guy who hosts all our Web sites, including the Electric Penguin message boards. Jeff and I are going to his birthday bash later today.

My dad's staying with us; yesterday afternoon he and I went to see Lord of the Rings again (his choice). It was my fifth time, his second.

Having my father stay with us reminds me of my childhood and the family dynamics back home. We've always had a close family, but we were never physically demonstrative; hugs and kisses were rare events. It took me years to get used to the affectionate hug greetings so common at sf and filk conventions. I gave Dad a hug yesterday before going to bed, and he was all awkward about it. :-)

Our family bond, however, was and still is super-close. Ruth and I don't tend to do the stereotypical openly gushy-sister thing, for instance, but we've always been fiercely protective of each other. We may have bickered and had the usual sisterly squabbles over silly things, but if anyone did anything to hurt one of us...look out for the other! :-)

Family communication back in my childhood was very Japanese. Very little open conflict, but lots of layers of complicated subtle meanings and implications that could only be interpreted with years of experience growing up with us. Conflicts were resolved in an elaborate dance of half-hints and silences laden with meaning. And if we wanted something, we rarely asked for it directly; we had to gently guide the other person (through the same sort of subtle communication methods) into realizing that we wanted it.

Jeff and I had a lot of blow-outs in the beginning of our relationship because he refused to communicate with me this way.

Example:

JEFF: "What's wrong?"

ME (mad at him): "Nothing."

JEFF: "There's something wrong, I can tell."

ME: "No, everything's fine, really."

JEFF: "You're mad at me. What set you off?"

ME: "Nothing set me off!"

etc. etc.

After a long (agonizing) while, I learned the value of being more direct, of hashing things out in the open early on instead of letting things drag on, building up resentment, and to ask for things directly (even if it means risking the humiliation of rejection). I still have problems with this, but I'm getting better. It's complicated things between Jeff and me, though, because he still can't help but try to interpret what I say and do according to what I was like back in the early days (e.g. if I say nothing's wrong, then he thinks it means I'm hiding something).

Anyway, it was interesting to be reminded by my experience in Philly that the corporate world is much more Japanese this way, with its own set of unwritten rules of communication. Blunt honesty is usually not regarded as a good thing, and those who want to succeed in the corporate environment have to learn how to play the game like everyone else, be a team player even if you don't always agree with what the team's doing, not cause waves.

I'm not very good at this, though I suspect would have been better ten years ago. On the whole, this is probably a good thing.

I still have too much of my childhood ingrained in me to completely forget the elaborate dance. In fact, I'm doing it right now. This whole Blathering basically boils down to me saying that though my Dad still drives me nuts sometimes, I love him like crazy.

:-)

Today's Blatherpic:

Allison in the hallway at Ad Astra. This is one the expressions she puts on when I take a photo of her when she doesn't want me to take a photo of her. I think it's pretty cute, don't you?