desires

Today's entry was written as a part of a Word Goddess collaboration. The assigned topic this month: "Desires".

At this moment, the word spins off a tumble of loose associations in my head: passions, lust, sex, chocolate...maybe even a combination of the above :-). The association with sensual pleasure is unmistakable...try to say the word "desires" out loud and listen to how the second syllable naturally slows down, lingers on the tongue, tantalizing and heavy with promise.

Yet it means so many other things, depending on the context. If you asked an eight-year-old about the word "desire", you'd likely get an entirely different answer. Desire? my childhood self would say. That's easy. Desire is the mystery present under the Christmas tree that I can't identify no matter how many times I shake it, a deliciously drippy chocolate ice cream cone on a sweltering day, a smile from the cute freckled boy with the Beatles haircut in my eighth grade class at school.

For a teenager, desire might be a new car, independence, recognition, raging puberty. In my own experience, desires have become more complex as I've gotten older. My concept of romantic desire used to be built on the soft-focus scenes you usually find near the end of b&w movies, with throbbing violins and tears and flowers and almost always with someone singing. I still love sappy romantic musicals, but I've learned they don't have much to do with the real world.

Real world desires, romantic or otherwise, don't always have satisfying endings. They don't come in pretty packages nicely wrapped in bows, and they're often messy and complicated. I'm talking about much more than simple wishful thinking here, though I'm sure some dictionaries include that definition as well. I'm talking desire as in knock you down, giant fist plunging into your chest and shaking you until you scream type of desire.

That kind of desire can hurt, especially when you desperately want something or someone you know you can never have, whether it's a cherished object you will never be able to afford, the ability to change a past mistake, a loved one who is no longer with you.

Sometimes I envy those whose desires are always in perfect harmony with their intellect. I can never have that, they think, so I don't want it. But other times I'm glad I'm the mess of unpredictable emotional chaos that I am. Desire keeps me from settling into a comfortable rut, inspires and motivates me. Desire reminds me to live.

Yes, I may end up hurt and disappointed, sometimes disillusioned. But at least I'm there in the thick of things instead of watching the world pass me by. And from time to time I am able to grab hold of a heart's desire after much effort, and those moments of pure joy make all the Bad Stuff pale in comparison.

If I ran into someone who told me they were perfectly happy with themselves and with everything in their lives, that they didn't want anything different, that they had no secret desires...my reaction wouldn't be one of envy.

How sad for you, I'd think. How dull.

And I'd leave them to their perpetual bliss, fleeing back to my turmoil of soul-wrenching spasms of desire and frustrations and heartache. I can't help but think I'm the one better off in the end.

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Writing Updates:

- EBookWeb posted an interview with me online today.

- Submitted my article to Country Connections magazine. It's slated to appear in their spring issue (published in April). I'm also going to be sending them a cartoon to illustrate the article; that's due at the end of the month.

- Found out yesterday that Cottage Life magazine likes my story idea, yay! Article due next Wednesday, should appear in the April/May issue.

- Rainy Day Corner bought my submitted article, slated to appear in April.

- I have three articles due by the end of this week to The Anvil, ArtCalendar Magazine, and Canadian Businesswoman.

- Nine article queries still circulating. I have articles slated to appear next month in Harp Column magazine and Applied Arts magazine. Today's Marketing/Finance day, and my goal is to get three more queries out there!