growing

Woke up this morning to find that the hyacinth plant I bought at the St. Lawrence Market last week had started blooming (see photo above). It's weird how such a little thing can make me so happy, but there you go. Jeff got a funny look on his face when I brought it home; he's familiar with my absymal record with houseplants. But it's still alive, ha ha!

Went out for lunch yesterday with some friends, and I found myself getting upset without realizing I was getting upset. Does that ever happen to any of you? The conversation had drifted to violent video games, and somehow that segued into ambulances and accidents and gruesome deaths.

I know part of it is a natural part of human nature. We fear death, so we're somewhat fascinated by it, though don't we don't like to admit it. It's the reason the media focuses so much on it...hearing about a violent murder draws in far more viewers than a feature about something happy and uplifting. Cars slow down on the highway if they see a police car or ambulance by the side of the road.

Events in my life, however, have changed my perspective somewhat. Whenever I hear about someone with cancer, I think of my mom, the suffering that she and my family went through, and I sympathise with the family. News about car accidents automatically make me think of my brother and his wife. I'm sure parents go through something similar whenever they hear about violent crimes involve young children (I experience outrage myself upon hearing these stories, and I'm just an aunt).

So when I hear jokes or excited speculation about car accidents or dead bodies or cancer, I am filled with a depth of anger and sadness I know is out of line. I've developed a bad (or good, depending how you look at it) tendency to be blunter than I should at times, especially recently, so try very hard to keep my mouth when this happens, at least until the clear voice of reason has stepped in.

Yes, I could have said something, asked that the topic be changed. But part of me is also aware of the fact that there are likely many things that I do or say that could be perceived as insensitive to others with different life experiences. I want to steer away from anything resembling the "political incorrectness" paranoia of the last decade, where everyone was afraid of saying anything that might possibly be interpreted as being even a TAD insensitive.

But it does help me understand (at least a little better) strongly opinionated older people who get angry about everything. Leaving aside the cliched cartoon of a wizened old man with a long beard, furiously waving around his walking cane and screaming and passersby, I can see how some of these seniors would make comments about the ignorance of youth, how "young people these days just don't understand", etc.

I can see the tendency in myself sometimes (and hey, I'm turning forty this year :-)) and I try to fight it. Someone makes an insensitive comment about car crashes and I automatically think, You wouldn't be saying that if you had lost someone you loved in a car accident. But then I tell myself, Geez, girl, lighten up. He's just joking around with friends..

I know I have a lot to learn. I'm glad I do...people who stop learning turn old and bitter (I've seen it happen).

And hey, just look at my hyacinth. Ten years ago, I wouldn't have any plant survive in my care more than a day or two.

Now it would be at LEAST a week. :-)