song for jim

I used to think about my brother every day, especially in the years soon after the accident. Everything reminded me of him, every moment of happiness was dulled, not quite as bright as it could have been. The ache is still there (will always be there), but I believe I've come to a certain level of acceptance. I'm able to find happy memories rather than obsessing about why it happened.

Nowadays, I don't think about him specifically every day. I don't need to; he is so much a part of who I am, and everything around me.

Some good memories:

I remember my brother used to be able to hum every musical motif from Classic Star Trek episodes.

I remember how he loved music and playing the piano, how his favourite composer was Beethoven.

I remember how messy his handwriting was.

I remember how Ruth and I helped with his promotional campaign when he was running for School President in grade school, and how ecstatic we all were when he won.

I remember how he got so embarrassed when I hugged him.

I remember how he and Ruth knew all the words to Battlestar Galactica (the movie).

I remember how much he liked rocket kits when he was little, how he and my father would go out into the field and set them off. Sometimes they worked; sometimes they didn't...they still had fun.

I remember how he used to play the piano part for "Suite For Flute and Jazz Piano" (Bolling) while I played the flute part, or tried to.

I remember he used to have a battered-looking pink and white teddy bear he named "ching-ching".

I remember how much he liked computers, and would spend hours programming in machine code for our TRS-80.

I remember how short he used to be in comparison to the other boys his age, and how small he looked out on the ice playing hockey or lacrosse.

I remember how he and I used to play practical jokes on my sister and her friends during their sleepovers.

I remember how he cried on my wedding day, gave me a hug and said that he loved me.

Had he lived, my brother would have been 35 years old today.

Today's Blatherpic:
Jim, on the morning of his wedding day. He was embarrassed that I was taking his picture, and was laughing at me. I remember he was also nervous, but very excited...he was very much in love with Diane.

The photo was taken about a year before the accident. He and Diane were together on the way to a camping trip with some friends; the car swerved (cause still unknown) into the path of an oncoming 18-wheeler. Both were killed instantly; no one else was hurt. I still have the tie that he wore in the photo, stored away carefully in my Memory Box.

Song For Jim

Words and music by Debbie Ridpath Ohi
Copyright ©1993 Urban Tapestry Publishing
(Buy this song on Amazon.com or
on CDBaby)

I see you sometimes in my dreams
The sun is shining in your hair
You seem so clear to me
How could you not be there?

You used to tell me not to worry
That things would work out in the end
I used to think we had forever
I used to think my heart could always mend.

CHORUS:
Did you ever know how much I loved you?
Did I ever show how much I cared?
I can't help wondering, oh why?
I wish we had a chance to say good-bye.

And I remember years ago
When we three fought and loved so true
You were so small back then
We would do anything for you.

But now you are forever young
Your spirit lives on far and free
As long as stars shine in the heavens
You'll always be a part of me.

CHORUS

fortune cookies

Had dinner with Karen Linsley, Allison and Jodi last night. We went to China House, a restaurant near Karen's place that had been briefly closed by the Toronto Health Board for not meeting cleanliness standards but was now open again. The news of the closing was obviously bad for business; we were pretty much the only customers they had that evening. I felt sorry for the staff. (But I still cast around surreptitious glances for any suspicious moving things. Didn't see any.)

It was very good to see Karen again. We're going to try to learn "Stardust" in time for Consonance; Karen gave us the lyrics and a tape of the piece. She said that Lloyd would have been very happy to know that we were going to cover the song.

At the end, of course, we all opened our fortune cookies. I would love to know what goes through the heads of those who create those brief messages. Take a gander at the fortune I got above, for example. This could be extremely good news or extremely bad, depending on how one's luck has already been going. Plus it's written in past tense, which theoretically means that the person who opened up the fortune already knows about the change in luck. Unless the act of opening up the fortune is what changes the luck, especially if you're the superstitious type. I used to keep a fortune cookie message collection (of unusual fortunes) but have lost it; I think I probably purged it in one of my fits of home office claustrophobia.

Anyway, if you've always wanted to write fortune cookie messages, try The Fortune Cookie Machine, which randomly displays "fortunes" contributed by users, and gives you the chance to contribute your own fortune suggestion. Some of the fortunes I generated by clicking the "Enlighten Me!" button:

"Life is just a blur of Republicans and meat."

"Look for spiders on your towels before you dry yourself!!"

"Sideshow Bob is out of jail, so be careful if your name is Bart."

"Never eat more than you can lift. Thank you."

Today's Blatherpic (top of page):
While we were waiting at the airport for our flights after OVFF, Bob Kanefsky told me that his airline, Southwest Airlines, often including "turkey sticks" in their meal packages. I had never heard of turkey sticks, so he mailed me one. I confess I haven't had the nerve to eat it yet. :-)

junkyard wars

Today is Jeff's birthday! Feel free to send him a
birthday

Today is Jeff's birthday! Feel free to send him a birthday greeting.

My sister leaves today to do a book/school tour in the Northwest Territories. If you're in the area, be sure to check out the Yellowknife Public Library tonight at 7 pm! :-)

Last night, Jeff and I watched something called "Junkyard Wars". Anyone heard of this? I had never seen it before. It looked like a set from Mad Max, complete with the host in grubbies and goggles. The basic premise: two teams are given an assignment involving the creation of something mechanical. They have until sundown to find all the materials in a huge junkyard, plan and implement their design. At sundown, there is a challenge.

Last night, the assignment was to create a "puller", something that pulls things. The challenge was to hook both pullers together, and see who could the pull the other across their team's finish line first. I found it fascinating, mainly because I have pretty much zero mechanical knowledge. Also found it educational, since a lot of basic stuff is explained, like why they are building their gizmos the way they are, what a fixed differential is and why it will be useful in this pulling challenge, why balance between the front and back of the machine is so important, and so on.

The entertainment factor is also heightened by the humour prevalent throughout, the increasing grubbiness of the contestants, the competitive atmosphere, the banter. The host flits between the two teams, prodding each with hints about how the other team is doing, occasionally pausing for commentary with an engineering expert who gives his opinion at various stages.

Today's Blatherpic:
We celebrated Jeff's birthday this past weekend at the Deerhurst Resort. Thinking we weren't going to have access to an oven to bake a cake, Ruth brought Hostess Twinkies and chocolate cupcakes instead, decorating them with candles. Today's Blatherphoto is of Sara with her wrapped gift for Jeff. The label reads "To Uncle Slowpoke, Love Sara". Sara calls Jeff "Uncle Slowpoke" because he seems (to her) to take so long to finish his dinner, at which point he is finally free to play with her. :-)
greeting.

My sister leaves today to do a book/school tour in the Northwest Territories.
If you're in the area, be sure to check out the
Yellowknife Public
Library tonight at 7 pm! :-)

Last night, Jeff and I watched something called "Junkyard Wars". Anyone
heard of this? I had never seen it before. It looked like a set from Mad
Max, complete with the host in grubbies and goggles. The basic premise:
two teams are given an assignment involving the creation of something
mechanical. They have until sundown to find all the materials in a huge
junkyard, plan and implement their design. At sundown, there is a
challenge.

Last night, the assignment was to create a "puller", something that
pulls things. The challenge was to hook both pullers together, and see
who could the pull the other across their team's finish line first.
I found it fascinating, mainly because I have pretty much zero
mechanical knowledge. Also found it educational, since a lot of basic
stuff is explained, like why they are building their gizmos the way
they are, what a fixed differential is and why it will be useful in
this pulling challenge, why balance between the front and back of
the machine is so important, and so on.

The entertainment factor is also heightened by the humour prevalent
throughout, the increasing grubbiness of the contestants, the competitive
atmosphere, the banter. The host flits between the two teams, prodding
each with hints about how the other team is doing, occasionally pausing
for commentary with an engineering expert who gives his opinion at
various stages.

Today's Blatherpic:

We celebrated Jeff's birthday this past weekend at the Deerhurst Resort.
Thinking we weren't going to have access to an oven to bake a cake,
Ruth brought Hostess Twinkies and chocolate cupcakes instead, decorating
them with candles. Today's Blatherphoto is of Sara with her wrapped gift
for Jeff. The label reads "To Uncle Slowpoke, Love Sara". Sara calls
Jeff "Uncle Slowpoke" because he seems (to her) to take so long to
finish his dinner, at which point he is finally free to play with her. :-)

cottage adventure

As I've mentioned before, Jeff and I had planned another trip to the cottage this past weekend, this time with my sister and her family. Sara (6) and Annie (3) were both super-excited; Sara had apparently packed her knapsack a week in advance and had also created a special "Welcome" sign to hang on the cottage door. We left our cars in the parking lot and took a few minutes to put on our heavier winter gear. Bundled up, I went over to where Annie and Sara were still waiting inside the car and waved. Annie hesitated before asking, "Are you Mommy or Auntie Debbie?" She couldn't tell, my face was so covered up. :-)



The plan was for us to pull Annie and Sara on sleds across the frozen lake along with our supplies, and also carry backpacks. Warned by the slush experience last weekend, we decided to opt for trying the trek with just our boots...if needed, we could switch to snowshoes or skis. As we headed across, however, we found conditions worse than the weekend before. There was more slush, making it extremely difficult to pull sleds loaded with supplies and children. Annie fell out of the sled I was pulling once as I tried to pull the sled out of the slushy ice. She just lay there, wrapped in blankets and layers of clothing, patiently waiting for me to pick her up (I felt like an INCREDIBLY BAD AUNT!). Sara and Annie were VERY good the whole trip despite the biting cold wind and interminably slow progress.

After about ten minutes of puffing and panting, straining against the ropes that dragged the sled behind me, I knew that there was no way I could possibly make it across the ice all the way to the cottage. More and more slush seemed to be freezing on the bottom of the sled at each step. I called out to Jeff, who was pretty far ahead, but he didn't hear me.



Very soon after, I heard a scream from behind. I turned around just as I heard Ruth yell, "I'm going through!!" My heart did a huge flipflop and I saw her in the ice; one leg had gone through all the way up to her hip. She struggled against the weight of her heavy backpack, trying to get out; fortunately she had been holding ski poles, which helped break her falling through even more. As Kaarel went over to help her, I turned back and screamed for Jeff as loud as I could. To my immense relief, I saw him turn and start to head back.

I told Annie (who was sitting absolutely still in the sled, eyes wide) to stay in the sled and stumbled through the slush back toward Kaarel and Ruth. I felt like I was in one of the nightmares where you're trying to run, but you feel as if your legs are caught in molasses. What if the ice broke some more and Ruth fell all the way through? What if Kaarel started to go through while helping her?



Ruth got out, but her entire leg and boot was soaked through with ice-water. Ruth and I headed back to car to get her some dry clothes. Sara and Annie didn't seem to fully understand what had happened.

"Are you okay, Mommy?" Sara asked in a quavering voice.

Ruth tried to give a cheerful smile. "Yes, Sara, I'm just a little cold."

Jeff and Kaarel wanted to try to make it all the way to the cottage with the girls, and said they would turn back if it got too difficult. They ended up turning back after about twenty minutes. Ruth and I were much relieved, since we realized that we would have to be crossing the lake in the darkness otherwise...a scary thought, considering the circumstances.

Eventually we all made it back to the car, exhausted and immensely disappointed. Ruth's leg had gone completely numb by this time. She had to wait for her pant leg to defrost before she could get changed into dry clothes; the water-soaked material had frozen solid (!). I couldn't help but think how lucky we were that the accident had happened before we were still in the bay, rather than out on the lake where we would have had no choice but to continue to the cottage. I also couldn't help but think...what if it had been one of the girls?



Rather than drive back to Toronto, we all decided to find a place to stay. And not just -any- place; we deserved to treat ourselves to something a bit nicer (we all needed it!). We ended up booking a luxury suite at the Deerhurst, one of the top-ranked resorts in Ontario. Two bedrooms connected by a central area, two fireplaces, jacuzzi, full kitchen, huge living room/dining room area. Sara was delighted by the jacuzzi; she had stripped off all her clothes and was running around naked and laughing within a few minutes while the tub filled with hot water. We had a full stereo system, two bathrooms, two TVs, VCR, dishwasher, washer and dryer. We spent the weekend tobogganning, skating, snow tubing, swimming, hot tubbing, watching rented movies, snoozing, doing crafts and playing games in front of the fire. We cooked all our meals in the suite; we already had bought the groceries.

So the weekend didn't turn out so poorly after all. I will, however, be somewhat more suspicious of the ice from now.. I think we got complacent because we had made the crossing for so many winters with no mishap. We were lucky...and will be much more cautious in the future.



Today's Blatherpics:
1. Sara and Annie wait to be pulled across the frozen lake in sleds.

2. Our suite was on the 3rd floor of this Deerhurst Resort building.

3. Kaarel and Annie have a tea party.

4. View from part of the living room.

5. Sara in the pool.

6. Enjoying the hot tub in the public swimming area.

ut practice

Allison and Jodi came to my place for practice last night. I had had a very bad day and had been on the verge of cancelling (not wanting to drag them down as well). I'm glad I didn't.

We had dinner at Swiss Chalet, then went back to my apartment to practice. Wow, am I ever rusty...I did very little practising in Philadelphia (except of my harp), and it shows. We tried working out a third harmony for me to sing on the chorus of Chris Conway's "Alien Jellyfish Song", and I was having the darndest time with one of the interval jumps. Jodi and Allison were very patient with me (their own vocals on the song are VERY cool...way 'til you hear them, Chris! SUCH a fun song to perform). Instead of getting frustrated and impatient, they poked gentle fun at me until we were all laughing hysterically. 'Twas very good for me, and made me appreciate even more the value of the musical partnership we have.

I played them the piece I had written for my harp teacher (my first harp composition!), and also experimented with doing some harp accompaniment on "I Am Stardust". I need a LOT more practice before I can improvise on the harp the way I do on the flute. We also finalized our concert playlists for Ad Astra and Consonance as well as the playlist for our children's concert at Consonance.

This weekend, Jeff and I are going up to the cottage with my sister and her family. Sara has apparently been so excited about the upcoming trip that she's had her knapsack packed for over a week in preparation.

Have a great weekend, everyone! I'm looking forward to hearing the reports from ConThirteena. :-)

Today's Blatherpic:

Scott Murray flirting with my husband.