Goodstuff

I've been doing more thinking recently about the kinds of people I'm drawn to. They tend to be positive, benevolent personalities: the "half-full instead of half-empty" types, who assume the best about people instead of the worst.

As I get older, I do a lot more introspecting about the kind of person I am and the kind I want to be. I've also learned a great deal about myself, both positive and negative. I find, for instance, that I tend to obsess about stupid stuff I can't do anything about.

Like a rude stranger on the public transit, or a frustrating interaction with a company's so-called support staff. And it's so easy to let a single negative encounter affect one's whole day, or even outlook on aspects of life -- assuming the worst about everyone and everything.

Sometimes I'll run into people whose conversations consist mostly of complaints. Some are so used to complaining that they don't realize how much they're doing it, the negativestuff woven so thoroughly into their day-to-day thinking.

Everyone needs a good rant now and then, but I try very hard to pull myself out of that energy-sucking quagmire. It sounds corny and cliched, but I do find that trying to focus on the positive is better for the soul. Sometimes it may seem easier to let myself wallow in a bad mood, but the effort it takes to get myself out of that dangerous rut is always worth it.

If a stranger ticks me off (the rude clerk, for example) and there's nothing I can do about it, then I make the effort to try thinking about something else. Something positive. Calling a good friend to chat almost always helps, or playing some music, or doodling (my equivalent of finger painting).

Another way I cope: try not to hang out with negative people too much -- I do find that the negativity starts rubbing off, colouring the way I see the world.

Yes, I may be unrealistically idealistic and optimistic compared to most people. From experiences in my life, I know that bad things happen to good people. But as far as I'm concerned, the goodstuff still outweighs the bad, and I don't want to waste the former by obsessing about the latter.

A good self-test which I put myself through on a regular basis: monitor yourself in a day-to-day conversation with a friend or co-worker, and notice how many times you say something negative. By negative, I mean anything that is basically a complaint about someone or a company, a little dig at someone's habits or personality, backhanded compliments that are actually criticism. Or even negative comments about yourself.

Nothing wrong with a negative comment in itself, but there's a world of difference between constructive criticism and a never-ending bitchwhinefest.

There's too much good in the world to waste emotional energy focusing on the bad.

Also see my Scrooge Moments post.

Comments

[David "Born In The Summer, So]

Nothing "unrealistically idealistic" about your attitude. I do the same kind of personal monitoring about negatives. Doesn't always work, but nuthin's perfect.

(I will, but not often, call chronic complainers on it. As hazardous as that may sound, it's not always the wrong thing to do.)

[vixy]

I'm the same way, and I try to do some of the same things. It's not unrealistic at all.

I try to ask myself... it's usually in my head so it's not always actually in words, but basically... "What are you adding to the world?" Or, "What are you putting out into the world right now?"

That question has stopped me from a few bad decisions, for instance something I was going to say that I would have regretted later, either because it would hurt someone, or simply because it would wind up bringing me (and those around me) down even more, or because it would have made me look like a bitter, negative person in public. Is what I'm about to do or say adding anything to the world at all other than negativity? Has it got any purpose? Why am I doing this? What am I adding to the world?

Of course, sometimes you just have to vent. But I try to recognize when I'm venting because I need to vs. being needlessly snarky and dwelling on things that I need to just let go.

[Andrea]

There have been times, with both Jim and I, that we purposely tell the other person "I am going to vent" and then righteously vent, just to get rid of the energy.

And I've done the same, in email to friends (announcing the vent-to-happen first of course). It feels good to get rid of it and then move on *grin.*

I also enjoy friends who have a sense of humor that helps me see what's ridiculous about a situation. Like when my ex husband wanted to sign our divorce papers on Valentine's day. I told a good friend that in a rather disgusted tone, and she burst out laughing, because well it *was* funny *chuckle." (and no, we didn't sign the papers that day . ..)

[Michelle Sagara]

They tend to be positive, benevolent personalities

I vote that you grandfather some of us in!

[Linda Neely]

I spent 37 years working in Human Resources and I got lots of complaining people. I'd been in HR for about 2 years when I got assigned to handle Employee Relations. I saw the same people over and over and finally decided I'd have to do something about it so I startled one of my regular complainers by telling her that she would have to tell me three good things that had happened to her that day before I'd listen to a complaint. I did this for a week with all the people who just came in to gripe. (I didn't do this for people with legitimate complaints.) Anyway, the interesting thing to me is that after about a week the same people kept coming in but they'd come and say, let me tell you what happened and they'd tell me good things. Eventually I realized that what they mostly wanted was for someone to listen to them. They would talk as eagerly about good things as bad. It's just that most of them had found that other people were more likely to pay attention when they talked about bad things.

There's no profound moral to this tale, but what I learned is that my behavior has a lot to do with what other people give me. If the only time I pay attention is when something is wrong. . .

[Jane Garthson]

You are such a positive person, and such a joy to be around, that I can't remember you saying anything negative. And while some store clerks would be rude to anyone, anytime, surely you bring out the good side in most people you meet. Or the evil side, with filkers, but that is quite different from negative.

I would give anything to have your smile. Sometimes, when I am smiling inside, my facial muscles do not cooperate and I do not look as happy as I feel.

[Survey: do you think clowns ar]

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