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Debbie Ridpath Ohi reads, writes and illustrates for young people.

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Entries in Uncategorized (102)

Sunday
Jun062004

having children (or not)



Had to share the above photo, with one of our nephews cheerfully digging his fingers into Jeff's face yesterday at a family gathering.

Jeff and I don't have kids of our own, have never tried to have kids of our own. Earlier on in our marriage, we often encountered curiosity about our decision not to have kids. We both enjoy spending time with children and actually do -like- children, so I don't blame people for being confused.

On rare occasion, I used to run into near-resentment from some people about our decision not to have kids, or the attitude that there must be something wrong with me NOT to want children.

My attitude is this: children are an incredible gift, sometimes taken for granted. If I was going to have children, I would never want to drift into it or by default; I would want it to be a fully conscious decision, with complete awareness and acceptance of the responsibilities involved. Part of this package is also acceptance of the sacrifices involved (and hopefully the rewards as well, but that's not a given) and willingness to adjust life priorities to reflect this decision.

Sometimes I do wonder briefly about what my life would have been like if Jeff and I had chosen to have children. Much different than my life now, I suspect. :-) I have never regretted our decision, not even for a moment.

Not having my own children makes me appreciate other people's children even more, ironically. I enjoy spending some time with them (well, most of them), getting to know them, figuring out how their heads work.

And I appreciate even more those parents who make the decision to have kids and do a decent job at it. :-)


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Saturday
Jun052004

brianna, harry potter


Thanks to Rand Bellavia for his help with the above strip.
You can see my Blathering entry about the event here.



Had lunch at Fune with Elizabeth, Bryan and Brianna yesterday. Wow, has Brianna ever changed since the Blathering I posted about her birth last year. She was a bit shy with Jeff and me at first, not having seen us in a long while, but warmed up to us (and the waitstaff) in no time.

It's -so- great to finally coax that first smile out of a baby the first time, isn't it? And it's amazing to what lengths adults are willing to go to in order to get that smile. I remember feeling all awkward and nervous around little kids until Sara was born, and then all dignity went out the window as I screwed up my face into weird expressions, jumped up and down, gesticulated and made funny noises, all in hopes of getting those smiles and (the holy grail) perhaps even a giggle.

Brianna


Wrote some more in the afternoon, then went to Parki's to plant some rosemary and thyme in his garden. I've been threatening to bring over a flower since he started renovating his backyard area last year, so I figured it was finally time to follow through. Instead of a flower, I opted for plants he could eat if he wanted to. :-) Sat and chatted on his spiffy-looking new deck for a while before leaving for dinner.

Originally we were going to see Shrek 2 (my second time, his first), but we decided to see the new Harry Potter movie at the Paramount instead. The crowds weren't nearly as bad as I expected, and we got pretty good seats. Won't give away any spoilers, don't worry, but will only say that I liked it better than the second movie, and will be seeing it at least one more time.

Have a great weekend, everyone!


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Thursday
Jun032004

post-ten and waiting for frodo



My last physiotherapy session was yesterday! This is the
front of a card I made for my physiotherapist, who laughed
and gave me a good-bye hug. I'm supposed to continue physiotherapy
exercises on my own.




Enjoyed reading the feedback to my When I Was Ten posting yesterday, and also enjoyed seeing the discussion it prompted.

Allison has even written an entire journal entry about it...not surprising, since she teaches a whole class of ten-year-olds! She's invited people to post a Grade 5 memory in her LJ. In my LJ message board yesterday, she posted the following:

"Last year I caught one of my students reading Harry Potter under his desk during my math lesson. After a second of annoyance I immediately flashed on a memory of me reading Tolkien under my desk during the occasional math lesson in high school :). And my teacher instincts were caught between 'Hey, kid, you're supposed to be listening to this math lesson, you may -need- decimals someday.' and 'Ya know, if choosing between Harry Potter and this decimal lesson, I'd go with Rowling, too.' and 'Ya gotta love a kid who loves to read this much.'.

And then I gently took the book away from him and made him learn decimals. Hogwarts wasn't going anywhere."

What a cool teacher. :-)

I also enjoyed reading Teddy's response to my confession that I used to read books while walking to and from school:

"When I was eleven and twelve, I read while cycling to and from school.

After being stopped by the police a couple of times (my route took me past the local cop shop) for having both hands up in front of me holding the book and neither hand on the handle-bars steering the bike, I saved up and bought a basket to fit on the handlebars and would have the book propped open in there where the policemen couldn't see it when I rode past. I remember I had to ride crouched forward towards the handle-bars so I could see the book properly. I remember The Mouse and his Child as the last book I read before getting the basket fitted.

It's a wonder I didn't end up under the wheels of a car. There's no way I can have been paying much attention to the other traffic on the roads."

From Sherman:

"From Acres at Strands:

Each morning I pass through Penn Station
Reading and walking my way.
I don't even know where I work, though
I seem to get there every day.

Yep, I've tried to read and walk at the same time. My sister Eileen somehow convinced my parents to let her read at most dinners when she was 10. But the worstóthe absolute worst of bad-reading behavioróis the acquaintance in college who apparently, without being given massive numbers of tickets by cops and without being in an accident that makes him eligible for the Darwin Awards, still drives to work with a book propped on the steering wheel."

realityshow


I'm also still getting a kick out of checking my Waiting For Frodo Farewell Guestbook every so often. A frequent poster who enjoyed the off-topic WFF message boards has created a blog in hopes of keeping the community alive. In the sidebar of the blog:

"Welcome to the continuation of the Waiting for Frodo comic strip message boards! Show your appreciation to the writer by going to: www.waitingforfrodo.com"

And I was very tickled to find that one of the participants in the above blog and a frequent poster in the WFF boards, nicknamed "Aragon_Strider", had written lyrics about Waiting For Frodo:

"OF ALL THE COMICS

Of all the comics that ever I see
WFF is the fairest in its degree
for all the day long Sam waits for a movie,
And when the King comes away go-oes he,
Te whit!
Te whoo!
To who waits now?
Sir fan do you?
Peter Jackson:This vow I shall make,
This movie I shall do,
'The Hobbit' that I read I will bring to you!!
Rose!
Rose!
Rosi-ie Rose!
Who gave thee that jolly red face?
Petey Jackson, And the rest of We-ta!
And that gave Rosie a jolly red face...

If you want to listen to it, Of all the Birds (sung by someone with a bit off key voice, nonetheless still a tune)"

:-)


May 2004 comments:
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Wednesday
Jun022004

ten





Today's Blathering is a collaboration entry for Wordgoddess. The assignment was the word "ten". I chose to interpret the number as an age.

Wordgoddess, by the way, is a particular group of women who have online journals. I've been a member, off and on, for a couple of years. Had to quit because I was too swamped with work, recently rejoined because I'm realizing that the Blatherings entries I like best tend to be ones I wrote for Wordgoddess; it's a great group for writing inspiration. We have a separate mailing list where we post updates, encouragement and support, ventings, and news. (Warning to those thinking of applying: Wordgoddess is at max. capacity right now, so is not accepting new members.)

But on to the current collab...




When I was ten:



My mom made most of my clothes as well as my sister's and brother's. She was a good seamstress and saved a lot of money for our family that way. She didn't know much about fashion, but our clothes were clean and fit us well, and that's what mattered. I still have a sweater that Mom knit for me when I got older. It's ratty now, coming apart, but I can't bring myself to throw it out even though I know I'll never wear it again.

I wore pink horn-rimmed glasses. AUGH. I'm sure I picked them out myself, insisting that they were the ones I wanted, while my parents tried to gently sway me to more flattering styles.

My main buddies were Cathy Rutland (who is sitting in the first row, second from left), Shena Belleghem (2nd row, 4th from left) and Kristine Creamer (first row, far right). Cathy and I still see other a couple times a month, usually for lunch, sometimes a movie. Outside of family, Cathy's known me longer than anyone.

I read a LOT. I had the bad habit of reading a book WHILE walking to school, and then back home again. Can't remember if I ever walked into anything. No wonder I needed glasses so early.

When I was ten, I was taking piano lessons. I wasn't that crazy about practising, wanted to read instead. Sometimes I'd prop an open book up on the piano music stand and then read it while I went through scales and arpeggios and triads like an automaton, knowing my parents wouldn't realize I wasn't focussing on what I was playing. I'd turn pages between exercises. Years later, those years of piano lessons paid off: I taught piano on my own, had about 25-30 students when we lived out in the country. I organized recitals, prepared them for Conservatory exams. And got frustrated when some of them didn't practice properly, of course. The theory I learned during lessons helped me when I started playing flute, guitar, Celtic harp and other instruments.

So weird to look at old class photos of people you haven't seen since that year. The faces look so young, but you remember the personalities without the "little kid" factor. Seeing the bullies still evokes a tinge of the same fear.

When I was ten, I was the only Asian in my class at school. This was true throughout my grade school and high school years. I grew up in Bramalea, a suburb of Toronto; there weren't many non-Caucasians in the area back then. Here's a Blathering I wrote about the experience.

I look at the teacher in the photo and still feel a flash of childhood dislike. I remember this teacher wanted the kids to like him too much, so much that when the kids made fun of someone, he was more likely to make fun of them as well. This was drilled home when I was once a target, and I've never forgotten the incident; up to then, I had always assumed my teacher would look out for me (and the other students), that I could count on him or her to be objective and fair. The rational part of me thinks, "Give the guy a break! He didn't realize what he was doing", but the emotional memories of that one incident have been hardwired into my memories.

Scary how childhood stuff like that can stick with you the rest of your life, affecting how you approach people and situations. When I was ten, I didn't confide in friends or family about this sort of stuff. About anything deeply personal, really. I kept it bottled up inside me, percolating through the darkest part of my psyche, part of the mix that would shape my adult life. It's a wonder I'm not a total basket case now. Though Jeff might disagree at times, I suppose. :-)

If I could go back and give my ten-year-old self some advice, I'd tell her, "Stand up for yourself. You're a good person; don't let anyone else make you feel differently."


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Tuesday
Jun012004

orkut report


I took this photo of my friend Ray at Museum
subway station by holding the camera over my shoulder; I
had no idea if I was aiming correctly, etc. I liked the
resulting blurry effect. And yes, that's me on the right!


Slept a lot yesterday, feeling somewhat better today.

I've been using the beta version of Orkut for about a month now. I admit, a lot of my Orkut fascination is because I've always been interested in the organic nature of online communities, seeing how they grow, figuring out what makes them succeed (and fail). And I love the idea that someone in Osaka, Japan can be giving writing encouragement to someone in Finland, that people living on opposite sides of the earth can be collaborating on a creative project. In case some of you don't know my history, I've started several online communities on my own (including Inkspot, which had a subscriber base of about 50,000) and have also been hired as an online community consultant several times.

Here are some comments so far:

Things I like about Orkut:



- I'm running into acquaintances and work contacts I haven't been in touch with for a while.

- I'm meeting some interesting new people I likely wouldn't have otherwise. Like a Toronto children's author who sounds pretty cool; we're actually going to (*gasp) meet in person sometime soon, probably for a coffee.

- Interesting to click on anyone's profile on Orkut and see how they are connected to you (through various contacts). I hope Orkut uses its database to give more info like this.

- People are encouraged to use their real names and photos of themselves. Not all do, but the majority seem to be decent about it. As great as Livejournal is, I -still- don't know who some of the people on my Friends list are because of nicknames, though it's clear we've met in person. To those unfamiliar with Livejournal: on LJ, people can add other people as "Friends" without permission.

- I can find a message board about nearly anything. If I can't find one, I can create one myself if I'd like (but see below).

Things I don't like about Orkut:



- There are way too many message boards (called "communities" on Orkut) with very little content or reason for existing. I recently saw someone complaining that Orkut wouldn't let him create more than 100 communities without deleting some. *100 COMMUNITIES*!!! I've suggested to Orkut Support that they find some way of flagging communities that have over a certain number of members; that way it will be easier to weed out duplicates and to find more active message boards. I understand the benefit of allowing users to create their own communities, but I'd like the option of NOT having to scroll through pages of communities with names like "Rent An Orkut Friend", "Lipstick Junkies" and "Head In A Jar" in search results. Perhaps if categories were subcategorized into serious and silly? By membership numbers? As the system stands now, it's more of a hassle than a help to find the specific communities I'm interested in.

- The fact that any member of a community can send a mass posting to ALL members of that community. I don't get any of these postings because I've turned that option off in my profile, but many people may not realize you can do this.

- Before creating a community, a potential moderator needs to be given information about his or her responsibility. There are far too many people who are creating a community (the process takes about ten seconds, and any member can do it) on whim and then abandoning it. Inactive communities should be deleted after a certain time period. There also needs to be a way of automatically checking for potential duplicates before a community is allowed to be created.

- Communities aren't ranked any particular way, and organized by very general categories. You also can't manually organize categories in your own profile, putting your favourites at the top, for example. It would also be nice to have a record of where I've posted, so I can check for follow-up postings. Some kind of notification system, perhaps.

- It would be good to be able to bookmark or "watch" a community without having to join it immediately. This would also help reduce the number of members in a community to those who actually want to participate in it. Some people may just want to lurk for a while first.

- The term "Friends". I have the same complaint about LJ, where the term is used even more loosely since anyone can add anyone else as a "Friend" without permission. Because the term "Friends" comes with a built-in connotation, politics abounds ("How come she added you as a Friend and not me?" etc.) as well as encouraging the "add as many Friends as I can whether I know them or not" trend. I have the same complaint about Orkut, where a far more accurate term would be "Contacts", even though it's not as touchy-feely-sounding. You can categorize Contacts as personal or business. This would also help others looking at a particular person on your Contacts list, knowing your context with that person.

- The karma ratings are rather silly. I'd rather see ratings on how well any particular member contributes to the community (this has worked well in Slashdot, for example); this would also encourage participation.

- There needs to be more online guidance for new users. The FAQ is ok, but there should be more tips for newbies (perhaps a tutorial that all new users are encouraged to take) on how to get the most out of the community, rules of etiquette, etc. This info would need to be divided into two sections, one for users mainly interested in business networking, the other for personal. One of the current problems of Orkut is that they're trying to mash both into one (except for a brief attempt at keeping separate pages for personal/business info in one's profile). They are likely to lose their potential business networking users to services like Linkedln if they don't watch out.

- The copyright clause I mentioned in an earlier Blathering. I did finally get Orkut Support, however, to specifically say in writing that they would never take an original piece of writing I had posted in a message board and use it elsewhere without my permission. I have strongly suggested that they reword their current Terms of Service to reflect this.

General comments:



- I am NOT saying Orkut is better than Livejournal or vice versa. You can't really compare them since they're such different animals in terms of online communities.

- I've adopted a policy of only adding people I know in person or whom I've worked with online to my Friends list. I've had to turn down some Friends requests as a result, but because I publicly state my policy on my profile and stick to it consistently, I haven't got any flack about it.

- Right now, people seem to be adding more communities than they're willing to participate in, resulting in a great many fairly dead message boards. I was one of these guilty parties as well, so am in the process of whittling down the number of message boards in my profile. Instead of complaining about how dead they are, I'm going to do something about it and try to get discussions going, or participating in ongoing discussions. May succeed, may not...I figure if it helps revive even one of the mini-communities I'm interested in, it's worth the effort. :-)

- I've already gotten more out of Orkut than I expected, but I'm still reserving judgement about whether it's worth visiting longterm. It's still a beta version, so I'm curious about what changes they plan to make for the release version. I've been sending them suggestions, and have also sent them the URL to this particular Blathering.

-I believe that Orkut has a ton of potential for both business and personal networking; I just hope they don't let their ballooning user base numbers go to their heads...online community users can be fickle. Everyone pays attention to the shiny new toy, but there's got to be substance behind the shine or they'll go back to their favourite old toys before long, or find a new one.




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