sushifest

Went to Fune last night with some friends to celebrate Jeff's birthday. Scott had a Blackberry, and we tried posting to Blatherchat. Sadly, it seemed to have trouble uploading. I had my usual: salmon sashimi, steamed rice, broiled shiitake mushrooms, tako sushi, hamachi sushi, and tobiko with quail's egg.

I forgot to mention something that happened when we stayed at the Deerhurst Resort with my sister and her family a short while back. Sara asked if she could sleep with me in my bed on the first night (Jeff would be on the pull-out in the living room). She said she preferred me over Uncle Jeff because I would be lighter if I accidentally rolled on top of her. It was one of those moments when our first impulse was to laugh, but she was being so serious that we knew we couldn't.

I had never slept in the same bed as Sara before. I half-expected her to want to stay up really late, playing with me. Instead, she was very business-like and efficient. She got undressed and folded her clothes neatly on an armchair in the room ("I'm very organized, Auntie Debbie"), got her Bunny and Dolly arranged around her in the bed, one on each side of her.

She tossed and turned a bit, mumbled, "Auntie Debbie, could you please not roll on top of me?" and then was asleep. It took me a while to do the same; I was too intrigued by the novelty of sleeping beside my niece. She looked so small, her long hair spread out on the pillow, clutching her stuffed toys. When I finally did doze off, I found that I couldn't fall deeply asleep.

Later, my sister said it was the same with her, when she was a new mother. Every time Sara moved, I woke up. Every time she sighed or coughed, I woke up. I found myself unable to completely relax, terrified that I was going to accidentally roll on top of my niece unawares and smother her. It was as if some part of my brain wouldn't let me sleep ("You must stay on guard! The child must be protected!").

Do all parents go through this in the beginning?

Today's Blatherpic:
Sushi outing at Fune last night.

slush

Toronto weather has not been the greatest lately. Yesterday morning started off with a whopper of a snowstorm which, sadly, wimped out into a bone-chilling drizzle. Downtown streets were piled with slush and ankle-deep puddles. Everyone was walking around with umbrellas and exasperated looks on their faces. My boots leak, so my feet got soaked within a few minutes, ice-cold water squishing around my toes with each step. For some reason, I didn't find this that bad, maybe because I knew it could be worse (my Nahanni trip knocked some of the "city wimp" out of me). Late in the day, Jeff and I went to a Starbucks for comfort drinks. I got a moccachino with whipped cream on top, drizzled with caramel (yum).

Don't feel like writing much today. Instead, read this journal entry from someone I don't know. I've been surfing other online journals lately, and was especially moved by this piece. Warning: it's intense.

Today's Blatherpic:
This something I doodled in Fractal Painter very early this morning. I've resolved to learn how to properly use this graphics program, and will inflict my experiments on you here from time to time.

purge

Ruth called last night to say she's having a great time in the Northwest Territories. I had hunted down the Web site for the Yellowknife Public Library, one of the places where she is giving her workshop/presentation. I e-mailed the Webmaster, asking if he/she would say hi to my sister for me. Ruth was very surprised. :-)

Yesterday, I found that Inkspot was highlighted in Canadian Writer's Magazine as the #1 spot for writers, in Earthlink's subscriber magazine, and chosen as one of the best sites of the year for writers by Writer's Digest magazine (will be mentioned in their May issue). Inkspot has also been nominated as one of the best Web sites for writers in the 2000 Inscriptions Engraver Awards. Pretty cool.

I still haven't had a chance to properly unpack; there are still boxes in the living room. Main problem: my home office is too small. I need to purge and reorganize it before I can move the rest of my stuff in. I'm not a very good purger and reorganizer. In contrast, Jeff -loves- purging and reorganizing. I find it very difficult to throw things out.

JEFF (holding up object): "Do you really need this?"

ME: "Don't throw that out! I might need that someday!"

JEFF: "For what?"

ME: "I don't know yet. But it could come in handy."

JEFF: "But you have so much stuff like this. You should get rid of some of it so you'll have more room in your office. What IS this thing, anyway?"

ME: "Um."

JEFF: "You don't really know what it is, do you?"

ME: "Not exactly."

etc.

For those that don't know already, I have a new e-mail address. Please use "ohi @ electricpenguin.com" (remove the spaces; I put those in in a feeble attempt to avoid the spambots), thanks.

Today's Blatherpic:

Paul and Beckett, at OVFF last year.

song for jim

I used to think about my brother every day, especially in the years soon after the accident. Everything reminded me of him, every moment of happiness was dulled, not quite as bright as it could have been. The ache is still there (will always be there), but I believe I've come to a certain level of acceptance. I'm able to find happy memories rather than obsessing about why it happened.

Nowadays, I don't think about him specifically every day. I don't need to; he is so much a part of who I am, and everything around me.

Some good memories:

I remember my brother used to be able to hum every musical motif from Classic Star Trek episodes.

I remember how he loved music and playing the piano, how his favourite composer was Beethoven.

I remember how messy his handwriting was.

I remember how Ruth and I helped with his promotional campaign when he was running for School President in grade school, and how ecstatic we all were when he won.

I remember how he got so embarrassed when I hugged him.

I remember how he and Ruth knew all the words to Battlestar Galactica (the movie).

I remember how much he liked rocket kits when he was little, how he and my father would go out into the field and set them off. Sometimes they worked; sometimes they didn't...they still had fun.

I remember how he used to play the piano part for "Suite For Flute and Jazz Piano" (Bolling) while I played the flute part, or tried to.

I remember he used to have a battered-looking pink and white teddy bear he named "ching-ching".

I remember how much he liked computers, and would spend hours programming in machine code for our TRS-80.

I remember how short he used to be in comparison to the other boys his age, and how small he looked out on the ice playing hockey or lacrosse.

I remember how he and I used to play practical jokes on my sister and her friends during their sleepovers.

I remember how he cried on my wedding day, gave me a hug and said that he loved me.

Had he lived, my brother would have been 35 years old today.

Today's Blatherpic:
Jim, on the morning of his wedding day. He was embarrassed that I was taking his picture, and was laughing at me. I remember he was also nervous, but very excited...he was very much in love with Diane.

The photo was taken about a year before the accident. He and Diane were together on the way to a camping trip with some friends; the car swerved (cause still unknown) into the path of an oncoming 18-wheeler. Both were killed instantly; no one else was hurt. I still have the tie that he wore in the photo, stored away carefully in my Memory Box.

Song For Jim

Words and music by Debbie Ridpath Ohi
Copyright ©1993 Urban Tapestry Publishing
(Buy this song on Amazon.com or
on CDBaby)

I see you sometimes in my dreams
The sun is shining in your hair
You seem so clear to me
How could you not be there?

You used to tell me not to worry
That things would work out in the end
I used to think we had forever
I used to think my heart could always mend.

CHORUS:
Did you ever know how much I loved you?
Did I ever show how much I cared?
I can't help wondering, oh why?
I wish we had a chance to say good-bye.

And I remember years ago
When we three fought and loved so true
You were so small back then
We would do anything for you.

But now you are forever young
Your spirit lives on far and free
As long as stars shine in the heavens
You'll always be a part of me.

CHORUS

fortune cookies

Had dinner with Karen Linsley, Allison and Jodi last night. We went to China House, a restaurant near Karen's place that had been briefly closed by the Toronto Health Board for not meeting cleanliness standards but was now open again. The news of the closing was obviously bad for business; we were pretty much the only customers they had that evening. I felt sorry for the staff. (But I still cast around surreptitious glances for any suspicious moving things. Didn't see any.)

It was very good to see Karen again. We're going to try to learn "Stardust" in time for Consonance; Karen gave us the lyrics and a tape of the piece. She said that Lloyd would have been very happy to know that we were going to cover the song.

At the end, of course, we all opened our fortune cookies. I would love to know what goes through the heads of those who create those brief messages. Take a gander at the fortune I got above, for example. This could be extremely good news or extremely bad, depending on how one's luck has already been going. Plus it's written in past tense, which theoretically means that the person who opened up the fortune already knows about the change in luck. Unless the act of opening up the fortune is what changes the luck, especially if you're the superstitious type. I used to keep a fortune cookie message collection (of unusual fortunes) but have lost it; I think I probably purged it in one of my fits of home office claustrophobia.

Anyway, if you've always wanted to write fortune cookie messages, try The Fortune Cookie Machine, which randomly displays "fortunes" contributed by users, and gives you the chance to contribute your own fortune suggestion. Some of the fortunes I generated by clicking the "Enlighten Me!" button:

"Life is just a blur of Republicans and meat."

"Look for spiders on your towels before you dry yourself!!"

"Sideshow Bob is out of jail, so be careful if your name is Bart."

"Never eat more than you can lift. Thank you."

Today's Blatherpic (top of page):
While we were waiting at the airport for our flights after OVFF, Bob Kanefsky told me that his airline, Southwest Airlines, often including "turkey sticks" in their meal packages. I had never heard of turkey sticks, so he mailed me one. I confess I haven't had the nerve to eat it yet. :-)